FLUTTERBIRD FAQS

The migratory patterns of the Flutterbird are hard to determine. We found that they move from place to place, but it appears to be random. Gordy spent one week watching a particularly elusive one named Short Stuff. Gordy is the best type of person and names the Flutterbirds he encounters. I remember one time there was this missing child, and Gordy stepped up to be the first one to ignore that small suffering child to stay in the Flutterbird watch station for the day. I know my motto is Flutterbirds before babies, and it appears Gordy is of a like mind. Well, anyways, he monitored this elusive and flatulent Futterbird for a week. We determined the migratory pattern of this tiny bird was random. One morning it was on a fence. The following day it was seen on the ground. Just when a fence-to-ground migratory pattern was confirmed, the ubiquitous fowl was in a tree. It was as if this particular Flutterbird was mocking my dear friend Gordy. We will keep studying and keep our valued 4Fs updated.

There is a great Flutterbird researcher named Gordy Kirchkirch out in Arizona, and he has discovered something interesting. I published an article on this in April 2019, but I will recap it here. I initially thought cattle ranches would be the best location for the fantastic Flutterbird. However, the insightful Gordy informed me, the frantic Flutterbird has no better friend than the majestic Javelina. The Javelina is smaller than cattle and less likely to eat the tiny birds. The fragrant odor attracts the sensational Flutterbird and helps with otomycosis. The gastric proteins in the lower intestines of cattle are at 30 to 40 percent levels. The gastric proteins in the upper and lower intestines of Javelina are in the 70 percent range. This fact shows that the Javelina is not only better for the helpful Flutterbird but is also causing at least 4 to 5 times the amount of C02 production.

If we can get the optimistic Flutterbird back to full strength, we will help the poor Javelina and help with global warming. I want to thank Gordy for all the great information. On a side note, he is the founder of 4F(Fellow Freaky Flutterbird Followers).

If this happens to you, consider yourself a lottery winner. The satisfaction you receive from nursing a baby Flutterbird is more than any lottery can pay. When you release the precious gift from heaven into the world, angels weep. Seeing the smile on the beak of the priceless little bird as it flutters into the distance is better than anything in this world. You are not only feeling satisfaction in your own heart. You are doing the world a favor for every Flutterbird that you save. Greenhouse gasses are cut by a percentage equal to the removal of 100 hunky losers from this planet. Best of all, rescuing a Flutterbird will shove some grief in front of that smug, fat face of Flutterbird hater Ed Malloy. Hopefully, that is enough to encourage you to start an adventure into nursing the little guy. The first thing you need is a good environment.

You need a warm and dry environment. You will need a heating blanket, straw, scented wax warmers, bottled Javelina excretions, Milkduds, American grown pudding, and Carnation Evaporated milk. Start by setting the heating blanket to low and scattering some straw on top. The baby bird is used to having some extra eggs that failed to hatch around, so place some Milkduds into the straw. Fold the blanket into a simple trifold on the indicted plane. Place the Flutterbird into the nest and sing softly until the precious bird drifts to sleep. Place two wax warmers on each side of the nest and place a small amount of the Javelina excretions into each one. Set them on low. You will want to turn them up after smelling the aroma but leaving them low will make the excretions last longer. Remember, this is for the sweet fowl, not yourself. Finally, mix the evaporated milk with some American grown pudding, and you have some nourishment ready when the sweet angel awakes. Expect to feed them every 3 hours, and for heaven's sake, don’t use that disgusting Russian pudding. Please note you can use strawberry pudding in place of chocolate.